Where do Russian cows come from? Moscow!

My friend and I saw a hobo sleeping in the park with a memory foam pillow… My friend turned to me and said, “What a truly lucky man!”

Hey did you hear the punchline about the scary cow? It was Terror bull.

Supposedly a banana a day can help prevent colon cancer Doc forgot to mention you’re supposed to eat them.

I saw some guy stealing my front gate… -“I saw some guy stealing my front gate.” -“Didn’t you say anything?” -“No, I thought he’d take a fence.”

*rises out of ball pit* thanks for agreeing to meet me here

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Don’t be silly, Californians screw in hot tubs!

*hires skywriter Will you take me back if I stop wasting our money on frivolous things?

Reddit, why do people masturbate? I came here to explain.

I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.