What’s even harder to find than Bigfoot, UFOs, the Loch Ness Monster, and diamonds in Minecraft? The real download button on Softpedia.com

Fix a man’s computer, and he will be virus-free for a day. Teach a man to fix his computer, and he will be virus-free for a day.

The disabled vet So my buddy is a disabled vet. It’s really sad because he got injured on the job. Turns out he’s not very good with animals.

Apparently “you have great tweets” sounds a lot like “you have great tits” in a crowded bar.

What’s the difference between a blimp and a blow job every day? One’s a Goodyear, the other’s a fucking awesome year!

A Muslim cannibal walks into a bar The bar tender says, ‘Wow, is it true that human meat tastes like pork?” The Muslim says “How am I supposed to know? I’m a Muslim, I don’t eat pork.”

This one is new in the market.. Sometimes blonde jokes are so blonde..

Son: “Dad, can we talk about the sex with my girlfriend?” Dad: “Sure. What’s up, buddy?” Son: “Could you please stop doing it?”

Whats about 9 inches and makes a woman scream? Cot death.

What’s the difference between Chuck Schumer and Tom Brady Tom Brady is a Patriot and a winner. (Thank you Dennis Miller)