I’m starting an A Capella group with five other ill tempered pedophiles. We’re called Six Dicks in A Minor.

A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other… …so I thought I would go over there and break the ice.

Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet? Click Whittington

I wonder what Hillary Clinton will do after she dies…. Most likely she’ll lie still

My friend said he found a website that represents my sex life. I tried to look for it and an error came up saying, “404-Not found”. Strange, I must have a bad connection.

[on deathbed – calls for son] “…..if you highlight the shit out of a document, people will think you read it…..”

How can you use a banana as a compass? Place a banana on the Berlin Wall. East is where a bite has been taken out of it. [Source](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East_Germany_jokes)

How does Harry Houdini tell people to steal stuff? Straight jack it.

What goes clop clop clop – BANG! BANG! BANG! – clop clop clop? An Amish drive-by shooting

My dad lied a lot. I was 17 before I realized the ‘Silver Table Cat’ wasn’t a real species, and that we didn’t own a pet, we owned a toaster