How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? It depends on how thinly you slice them.

My GF is like my treasure… I buried her in my backyard yesterday.

My standards for women are the same as my standards for juice. Five and Alive.

How do you blindfold an Asian woman? Put a windshield in front of her.

A blind man walks into a Fifty Shades of Grey theater takes a deep breath and says ” MMM … I guess I’m at a fish market”

What’s the difference between two dicks and a joke? Your mom can’t take a joke.

When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!

What did the spaceman see in his frying pan? An unidentified frying object.

What does a goose do What can a goose do, that a duck can’t, and that your lawyer should ? Stick his bill up his ass.

What do you call a woman with one leg? Ilene What do you call an Asian woman with one leg? Irene