I’m emotionally constipated I haven’t given a shit in days.

*makes direct eye contact with an vaginas* what in the fuck kind of a boobs are this

I’ve clicked on every shady ad that I’ve seen for the past 12 years. My penis is now 648 feet long.

They say the average male has sex 89 times per year. Though, I heard that result was just because one guy had sex 17.7 billion times in the year the data was collected.

What is the Beatles’ favourite social media site? REDDIT BE

What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her? I may be a two but your an eight..

NASA spent 1.5mil on a pen that works in space. Russia putin a pencil.

Guys, I only wanna hear about your ex if she is dead.If you still talk about her, I’ll murder her so we can have an interesting conversation

Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

How bad was the Rio 2016 Olympic? None of the North Korean athletes defected.