I’ll be getting a 4.0 this semester… When a girl rates me out of 10

I was walking down the street with my wife.. And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked “Aren’t you going to help?” I said “No, six should be enough.” From Les Dawson.

I want to get arrested by a motorcycle cop just so I can hold him tenderly around the waist on my way to jail.

Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.

You always agree with me and like what I say even if you don’t believe me. What am I? An upvote

“Dad, what does it take to become a writer?” “A job.”

What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen ? A viper !

What do you call a gay dinosaur? A Megasaurass.

[running from cop] *cop catches me* “Get on the ground or I’ll taze ya” *pulls jellyfish from pocket* “Look they were all out of tazers”

I’d like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?