Just when I thought we’d avoided all controversial topics at Thanksgiving dinner my niece said Aristocats was better than The Lion King

What’s the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor? Two Towers.

Jerry Sandusky was actually a pretty successful coach… … he turned many tight ends into wide receivers.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.

What’s the different between a wife and a smoke detector? One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

Whenever I talk about me and friend doing something, it’s a good bet that my friend is actually a pizza.

Mayweather’s formula of victory Victory = (Hugs + Runs) * 12

Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.

Who was the marketing genius who decided to call killer whales “killer whales” instead of “sea pandas”???

“Boint, B-U-R-N-T, boint.” – mafia spelling bee.