I was just accosted by a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling “why you ain’t got no babies?”I bet my father in law paid her

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one to hold it in place and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Opinions are like orgasms, mine matter most and I don’t care if you have one.

Two months ago my best friend took off with my wife. And god damnit, I miss him.

I don’t see the issue with microcephaly. Personally, I love a little head.

OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!

The guy behind me at the grocery store only had energy drinks, root beer & gummie lifesavers, so I asked how far into assassins creed he was

My microwave broke. So, we’re finding innovative alternatives. Did y’all know the surface on top of the oven heats up, too? Honest to God.

Thank you for explaining that Geico ad to me It means a great deal

Are you ready for TheDivision’s upcoming DLC? TheAddition? If not, you might like its already-existing-but-cut-for-later content TheSubstraction.