What is Bear Grylls’ favourite vegetable? Leek.

Winston and a Cat What is the difference between J. Winston and a cat? One ruins girls clothes and steals crab legs, the other one is also losing the Rose Bowl.

I went to Russia, met a guy called Vladislav * **Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.**

The worst is when you’re on a cruise ship that turns into an Autobot to fight a sea monster and you had a decent game of shuffleboard going

The only thing keeping me from driving off this bridge is the insurance rate increase if I survive.

How can you tell a rich Swiss from a poor Swiss? The poor swiss washes his Mercedes by himself

Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?

What’s big, huge and hairy? A Goliath bird eating tarantula.

What did the little girl’s parents want for Christmas? A better son.

My ‘home to pants off’ speed ratio is unparalleled.