[aquaman origin story] *falls out of boat* help! im drowni- oh… no, im good, actually

Why did Daenerys cross the road? To be that much closer to crossing the ocean.

If you lose a tooth in a bar fight and put it under your pillow, the tooth fairy will leave you $100 because you’re hardcore.

Do you ever feel bored on reddit, because you read everything already? I guess you could say you’ve reddit already

What is a sluts favourite drink? 7-Up in cider

A local caricature artist got arrested today I always thought he was a sketchy type of guy.

Kid: Hey, Mum! What’s an orgasm? Mom: I don’t know dear, ask your father.

ME (watching a sea of a million llamas stampede over the horizon): dear God, it’s the alpacalypse

Knock Knock “Who’s there?” “Kelly Clarkson boo” “Kelly Clarkson boo who?” “Stop crying, Kelly Clarkson.”

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”