A friend in need is a friend indeed, but a friend’ that is ALWAYS in need is getting on my nerves.

There was a kidnapping at my school today… It’s okay guys, he woke up.

it should be illegal for shipping & handling to cost more than the product

A well executed theft leaving no fingerprints behind is… … a stainless steal.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

What is not a truck crashing into people? Nice.

Pizza will never tell you you’re fat unless you’re high as shit, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.

Yo mama is so fat, She’s a Reddit admin.

I have the body of a 25 year supermodel… but it takes too much space in my freezer.

The celibate butcher is pretty successful in his occupations. Nothing beats his meat!