What was Nero’s favorite kind of sandwich? A Plebeian J

Why do bicycles fall over? Because they are two tired.

An old lady in front of me dropped a $20 note, so I asked myself, “what would Jesus do?” So I turned it into wine. I bought wine.

Your dick.

Did you know 2 x 10 is the same as 2 x 11? **One is twenty, and the other is twenty too!** Edit: RIP Inbox. We hardly knew ye. First front page ever! Woo!

I’m going to Bangalore to open a second hand clothing store. And I’m gonna call it “Who’s Sari Now.”

A fat guy.. A fat guy just keep getting fatter every month..after 5 years he got so fat died. At his funeral a friend of him said: Good thing he died, cuz he was about to blow up. (translated)

Pornstars would make pretty good lawyers… People wouldn’t mind getting fucked by them!

People who say they don’t have any problems are lying to you, but at least give them credit for not telling you about them.

What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise? Lmayo!