Just bought a thesaurus and when I looked, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am!

People are not giving Trump enough credit from last nights debate He just beat off two guys at the same time on national TV

Birds wouldn’t be so smug in zero gravity, I bet

If I had a penny for every time you made me feel worthless; I’d be worth something by now.

Hillary Clinton’s biography is a fable… … because the main character is a bitch.

Roses are red, violets are blue.. No, wait.. Fuck, now they’re black.

Joke (for adults) Okay, so I’m going to tell you- HEY LOOK THOSE IDIOTS THE U.S. GOVERNMENT JUST LOWERED OUR TAXES

I think the only job requirement you need to become a TSA agent, is to know how to do a really good eye roll while you’re chewing gum.

Waiter: Is Pepsi ok? Pepsi: I’m fine.

What’s the difference between pizzas and vaginas…? …Crust on a pizza is nice…