What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher? Ground round!

2016’s been bad! But today is definitely the darkest!

Why dont applebees employees wear watches? Cuz theres a clock on the microwave

You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn’t notice… until they needed to wink at somebody.

Having sex on a date… …is going out with a bang. (OC)

Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s new piano? Neither has he.

Why is Donald Trump gay? The Chinese beemhole been trippin hardcore nomsayin’?

It’s impossible to touch your elbows behind your back. You just pushed your boobs towards me.

Are you an exception? I bet I can catch you.

My girlfriend is really into space… So I’ve started calling my junk the “Pillar of Creation”.