Starting a Psychofit class. Basically, I sneak up on people showering and chase em with a knife til they achieve their desired body weight.

Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can’t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.

What did the Circle say to the Square on the bus? “Oh no! I’ve got on the Rhombus!”

Why would you download a car when you can download a shark, I’d bet it would be at least one gigabyte.

What’s a zombie’s favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset.

“What were you before you came to school boys and girls?” asked the teacher hoping that someone would say “babies.” She was disappointed when all the children cried out “Happy!”

Us New Yorkers try to stick to the four main food groups; pizza, pizza bagels, pizza pies, and cheesecake.

Just back from my first rap battle. Complete disaster. I thought it was a nap battle and when the other guy saw my pajamas I was doomed.

A small joke Old people at weddings say to me “your next” I do the same to them at funerals *-*

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and one is a little lighter.