I recently traced my family tree… It was easier, I’m rubbish at drawing.

For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.

Him: I wanna be the man you fell in love with all those years ago. Me: You wanna be Ryan Reynolds?

What does Trumps Hair and a Thong have in common..? They both barely cover the asshole.

The inventor of the Red Solo Cup had died. His body was found under the sofa in the living room three days after his death.

You know what really makes me smile? Fascial muscles.

R/jokes Reddit posters are cleaning the earth They are very good at recycling

Why is Kristen Stewart safe from the Fine Brothers? Because she has no facial expressions so can’t react.

“I’m going to France next summer.” “Oh, really?” “No, De Gaulle.”

My friends and family treat if as if I’m a god! They don’t believe in me