Why do fencers love Reddit? Because of all the *ripostes*

I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries

just got mad that firefox was telling me that satan was spelled wrong but turns out it just wanted me to capitalize it and show some RESPECT

Why was the virgins’ wedding during the middle of the week? Because Wednesday is hump day.

Sorry, ladies; I’ve never had a period. Can’t relate. Had a semicolon once, after being hit by a bus, so I feel like that was pretty close.

My girlfriend LOVES my toenails.. I’m starting to think she’s a nailphile.

I just bought an answering machine and it doesn’t work. Or maybe I’m just asking it the wrong questions.

One atom asks a hipster atom, “Hey, did you lose an electron?” The hipster atom replies, “No, I’m just being ionic.”

I had my hepatitis test today…. I did pretty well! I had one A, two B’s, and a C! Edit: word

I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet…. But I don’t know Y