What happened with the wooden car with wooden wheels, wooden seats, and a wooden engine? It wooden go.

What does the future hold? Global warming, depleted resources, & species going extinct. But also the iPhone 5, so it’s break even.

What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight? Put up your Dukes! I’ll just let myself out…

Growing up, I dreamed of becoming a meteorologist. Now, I’ve got 3 weather apps on my phone. Living the dream, people.

That IS a banana in my pocket AND I’m happy to see you. Why must society make these two things mutually exclusive??

A nurse puts her hand in her pocket, finds a rectal thermometer and exclaims…. “Some arsehole’s got my pen!”

What do Germans and acetone have in common? They are both good at removing the Polish!

Robin Williams It’s a shame about robin Williams, but it’s his own Damn fault. He should have listened to tinkerbell when she said “think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts”

BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed… Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.

What do ping pong players and my dominatrix have in common? They both like to paddle little, white balls.