Curiosity should start overthrowing the local government and drilling for oil any minute now.

What’s worse than being German on D-Day? Being single on V-Day.

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.

“what’s your most cherished memory keith?” [looks at my wife and baby in crowd with loving smile] [leans into mic] i heard a dog laugh once

What do you call a trucker that doesn’t drive anymore? Semi-retired.

Neckbeard goes to the doctor, feeling abnormal. He had a ma’lady.

I use Facebook mostly to keep in touch (without leaving the house) with people whom I do not wish the share my cell number with…

What do you get if you watch the Blind Side backwards? Oher’s NFL career

[At the stress test, staring at a treadmill] Dr.: Just run at a speed where you can still talk normally. *sits down on a chair* Me: Okay.

let’s head over to the barber shop and make hair angels on the floor