Why is hitler vegetarian Because he burnt all his meat!

Why did the corn maze go back to school? It was tired of working in a dead end field.

I was wondering why the frisbee in the distance was getting bigger Then it hit me

I had consensual sex with a dementia sufferer… It was like HBO’s Lost, it was okay when it started but by the end of it no one knew what was happening.

Why can’t Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he’s only human.

To convince my boss that I’m keeping busy, I periodically yell “YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?” into my phone, then slam down the receiver.

A man stands over the coffin of his deceased wife. “Her star sign was cancer you know” he says. ” I guess it’s ironic…” “That she was killed by a giant crab.”

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards… I got a full house and four people died.

How do you recycle a condom? You turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it

A priest, a rabbi, and a shaman walk into a bar… and the bartender says “What is this? A joke?”