Her parents wanted her to date someone of her own ethnicity. But Polly wanted a cracker.

Why did Christopher Reeve lose the debate? Because his arguments *couldn’t stand* against scrutiny.

I got arrested while jamming on my guitar.. Apparently, I was fingering A Minor.

I’m so glad they released a patch for my car The windshield was starting to get buggy.

*Buys a bunch of wooden letters* Cashier: Feeling crafty? Me: Nope, just trying to make a name for myself.

A guy wore a Hanukkah shirt to a Christmas party… He was in the Menorah Tee.

How long does it take To microwave a baby? I’m too busy jerking of to watch a timer.

I was looking at a cup of Earl Grey that always replenishes itself.. It was like staring into infinitea.

Why should they have hosted the World Cup in a different country this year? …. because a brazillian things could go wrong

The year is 2036, President Jaden Smith is re-elected in a landslide after making it illegal to respond to someone’s text message with “K”