I woke up today with a blowjob… that’s the last time I fall asleep on a train with my mouth open

How many children’s TV presenters does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb and another to show one they changed earlier.

A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff together. Ba-dum-tss

How do cows do math? A cow-culator. haha haha ha … ok, I’ll leave.

What are your two favourite times to party? Daytime and night-time!

Him: Let’s get you out of that dress. Me: Be careful Him: Why? Me: If you tug at my Spanx hard enough, I’ll pop open like a can of biscuits.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To walk into a bar.

What does a gay orgy sound like? A cockophony.

If you can make a woman laugh, you’re almost there………. If you’re almost there & she laughs, now that’s a different thing…..

A 5 day juice diet. They said I would “feel it” working in just 5 days. They were right, I’ve never felt more hungry in all my life.