What has 10 letters and starts with gas? An automobile

How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term? Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office.

I’m starting a career by putting bombs in prayer mats I think prophets will go through the roof

A midget walked into a bar I guess it was set too low.

What’s the difference between illegal and unlawful? Unlawful is against the law, whereas illegal is a sick bird. Note: This obviously works better when told than read.

I’m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they’re taking it out of their cars too?

What do Trump voters use as bookmarks? Lit matches.

MY PARENTS NEVER BUY ME ANYTHING -Sent from iphone 6

Did you hear about the French chef that committed suicide? He lost the huile d’olive.

Why do flamingos stand on one leg? Because if they didn’t they’d fall over.