Assert dominance over your boss by choosing an elevator button higher than the one he picked & act like its a big deal to wait for his floor

What did the vampire say to the teacher? See you next period!

Yo momma is so fat, the sorting hat put her in all four houses.

I hate using a plunger… they work the shit out of me.

How do you impress a girl? By growing up.

A duck walks into a store and says, “Give me some fucking Chapstick.” The clerk says, “Alright, settle down you feathered cunt… How are you going to pay for that?” “Oh, just put it on my bill.”

What do you call a talk on male anatomy? A semenar

Was your teacher drunk when he made your multiple choice test? 1) Yes ) No %) I love you guys M) 8 ) Potato

I just yawned so loud now I’m pretty sure a whale somewhere is trying to answer.

I may have Alzheimer’s… … but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s!