Love must not be a very good student… Because Love isn’t always on time.

Just Spent 3 hours in the Emergency room…… …. the Dyson Ball vacuum has a VERY misleading name……..

Your Joke Is Factually Incorrect – A Guide to Dying Alone.

Husband is leaning dangerously out of window whilst he cleans it. Only thing stopping me from shoving him out is that he cleans the windows

I took a girl back to my flat. “You haven’t removed many bras have you?” she sighed. “What gave it away?” “The scissors, mainly.”

The completely inane bullshit I read on my phone doesn’t deserve the super intense face I make while staring at it.

Statistically… 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

What type of milk does Bernie Sanders drink? Whole milk because he cares about all the milk and not just the top 1% milk!

Keep yelling “dance!” and shooting at my feet, tough guy. I studied tap for 9 years and you’re going to look like an idiot.

If there’d been a mix up my uncle could have been President of the United States He was an army undertaker, also known as a ‘barrack embalmer’ – Milton Jones