Genie: 1st wish ME: I wish for a pen G: #2 M: another pen G: wtf M: I already lost the 1st pen G: and ur 3rd M: ur not going to believe this

So UBER is not a dating app? *sigh* I kinda thought all those ‘Goodbye’ kisses seemed more awkward than usual.

How did Jesus get his beach bod for the summer? Cross fit

Today Donald Trump renewed his talk about surveillance on Mosques, gun control and adding alligators to FBI No Fly lists.

While Twitter is the slutty wife we all share, Facebook has become the humorless mother-in-law we all endure.

I Thought having a vasectomy would stop my wife from getting pregnant… But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby

Do you want to hear an Ebola joke? Just refresh the page,it’s probably posted again.

Aggressiveness is in the eye of the beholder. Until he punches you in the face. Then aggressiveness is inbetween the eyes of the beholder.

How do small people call each other? On microphones.

They say that kissing makes your day … And anal sex makes your hole weak!