Happy Kwanzaa, my black friend! Kwanzaa just means y’all worship a black baby Jesus instead of the real one, right?

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.

Husband Wife Funny Wife: “What are you doing?” Husband : Nothing. Wife : “Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.” Husband : “I was looking for the expiration date.”

I’m going to kiss every guy I see with a “Kiss me, I’m Irish” shirt in hopes that they’ll never wear that shirt again.

As I get older, more and more of my Christmas wish list is just stuff I need from the grocery store.

What did the busty police officer say to the drug trafficker? You’re under a breast.

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection. “Maybe you should wait outside while I examine your dog,” said the vet.

Hi Officer I was pulled over one day and the officer looked at me ask asked “How high are you?” I laughed and said “No officer, you said it wrong, it’s Hi how are you”

I’m not saying she’s a slut but she’s had more people inside her than the statue of liberty!

2 secrets to success 1) Never tell everything you know