[Offensive] What do you get when you cross a bowl of fruit and the holocaust? Orange Jews from concentrate

The high today is only 37 and the low is when I ate an entire sleeve of Chips Ahoy before 10am.

What’s Forrest Gump’s password to reddit? 1jennay1

Dating Tip: Surprise the woman you are courting with a bouquet of cats

No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…

What do you call an Irishman with no arms and no legs on a pool table? Rick O’Shay

Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There’s a nap for that.

“OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!Damn these thin walls. Don’t know if my neighbors are having sex, praying or having a coronary.

A lady came to my door the other day, asking for donations to my local sperm bank.. I gave her a right mouthful.

I want you to be completely honest with me as long as you’re only pointing out my strengths.