What’s the difference between America and yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for a couple of centuries, it’ll grow a culture.

In my defense I told him it was my cheat day and I didn’t understand why he brought home cupcakes and not Juan from the gym

What do you call a disease you get from having sex? Infucktious Diseases

How do you make holy water? Put it in a pot and boil the hell out if it.

What did they do to the burger who thought he was a rooster? Cook-a-doodle-do!

My Puerto Rican wife asked me how I liked my coffee “The same way I like my women: light brown and bitter.”

Ernie’s roommate asks him if he wants to go out for ice cream. Ernie refuses and proposes an alternative, but his roommate does not understand the response: Sherbert!

When I go outside in the winter… I like to put my codon

Why does Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box.

What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where you put the cucumber