How many ears does Spock have? Three: a left ear, a right ear, and the last front ear.

Build a man a fire, he is warm for a day. Light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.

Q: What do you give a dog with a fever? A: Mustard. (It’s good for a hot dog.)

How many political parties does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb, and the other to bask in the light of the old one.

Her: Why did you cancel your gym membership? Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn’t agree with

Honestly, Officer, I wouldn’t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me

I have the first signs of baldness, a friend said to me that my head it’s like the house of a rich man… two car entrances in the front and a pool in the backyard.

What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexic’s Association

I had sex with a girl at an apple orchid and she ended up getting pregnant… It’s probably because I came in cider.

Poor Kids One Day, Charles told his father he was going to the Wishing Well. So he flips a penny into a well, makes a wish, and walks home. “What did you wish for?”, Asks the Father. “Another Penny”