What did the Game of Thrones character say when he saw the slutty door? Hodor.

What does a north Korean and a ginger have in common? Neither has a Seoul

Why can’t clocks keep secrets? Because, time will always tell.

The day after Thanksgiving is often the biggest capitalist/materialistic shopping day every year. I’m protesting it this year, and had to think of the movement’s slogan… Black Fridays Matter.

What do you call a Pokemon who is trying to quit smoking? Vaporeon

I always like taking a shit while on the clock at work but its always so hard to read what time it is when I put it back on the wall.

I’m thinking of maybe giving up on my Olympic dream.

[me, in a sting operation] Can I buy your best stuff? DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff? *talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?

Say what you like about us Arabs, but at least we don’t go to Africa and start naming lions ‘Ahmad’ and ‘Hassan’.

My son told me that I wasn’t the “boss” of him, so I showed him a 37 slide PowerPoint to justify my management position.