Ancient astronomers were studying the movement of the moon around the Earth After doing it for 24 hours they got tired of it and decided to call it a day.

Packing for a trip, Husband says I don’t need to overpack. It is so cute how he thinks I’m coming back.

“Hello, Pizza Hut” Hi, how many slices are on a large pizza? “eight” And a medium? “eight” *long pause* I’d like to speak with your manager

My friend is dealing with a really severe Viagra addiction. He’s having a hard time with it.

An old Jewish man asked me for directions. I didn’t really care where he was going, so I told him it was straight on until the third reich.

Heard this at Disney… What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino? What? An elephino! (What’s better is that they tell this surrounded by kids, and the parent’s all just chuckle)

How do you make an egg roll? You push it

[2:30AM] *it’s quite late now. Let’s make a call* *Hey Boss, are you sleepin?* [Yes you nerd, why?] *cause I’m still doing your stupid work*

And Jesus said unto John… And Jesus said unto John come forth and I shall give you everlasting life. But John came fifth so he only won a toaster.

Yes, I have read ‘Game Of Thrones’. No, It is not any different from the show. -Me, after watching Game of Thrones with subtitles.