It only takes one drink to get me drunk The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.

For a cat named Jingles, his tambourine accompaniment to my blistering bongo solo isn’t that impressive.

What did the kid who could see dead eskimos say? Icy dead people!

To think, millions of children go to bed every night without knowing what their Sleep Number is.

What is H1B for “Come here often?” ? Visit this establishment frequently ?

I’ve got a dick like a baby 8lbs 3oz

Not to brag, but I still fit into the low self-esteem I wore in high school.

Why are monkeys such great friends? Because they’re prime mates!

What do college fish study? Algae brah… I know it sucks but it was the only joke I’ve ever come up with!

Woke up 4 times to pee last night And each time only a little came out, my night of sleep was piss-poor