Shoutout to Amy Winehouse She’s been drug free for 5 years now

I used to think math was useless. But then one day I realized that decimals had a point.

[magicians backstage] don’t panic guys but I think we really just sawed that woman in half

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks? Remarry

I’ll keep my women like Flo Jo… ….dead

Did you know Donald Trump has a different hairpiece for each occasion? He even has toupe for sex.

Did you hear about the carpenter with no legs? He was a handyman.

[Me chasing 12 greyhounds round a race track] YOU’LL GET TIRED EVENTUALLY. THEN I WILL PET YOU!

Private browsing is for pussys… … and tits

What was sonic’s diet advice to mario? Gotta go fast