Why was the young golfer so angry? Because he was having a rough day.

it’s gotta be as much fun for a slinky to go down an escalator as it is for a human to walk on a treadmill

A cashier rings up a box of trash bags for a customer… Customer: “I don’t know why I keep buying these things, I just end up throwing them out anyways.”

Men taking pictures of their outfits on Instagram is why we will lose the next World War.

I was walking down the road when I … …saw an Afghan bloke standing on a 5th floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him”Whats up, Abdul, wont it start?”

Climb mountains not so the world can see you, but so you can see the world.

What are the four fastest hands in the world? …when it slips out.

Why cant Helen Keller drive a car? ..Because she’s dead.

Pregnancy tests make me wish peeing on things answered more questions.

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex? Tenants