Do you have a nose? Who nose? Courtesy of the ~6yo on my morning bus.

Someone stole all the toilets from Scotland Yard Police have nothing to go on.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

I was raised by my grandfather clock because my biological clock was never there.

When my child is born I’ll paint flames on him so when I stand with the other parents at the nursery I can say “Thats my son. The fast one.”

Why is wintertime love making in Scandinavia dangerous? Your tongue might get stuck to a Pole.

Please do not throw cigarette butts into the urinals, as it makes them soggy and very hard to light -Bathroom graffiti

Just Juan How many Mexicans does it take to build a lightbulb?

Why doesn’t India celebrate halloween? No Gandhi

When is my wife’s favorite day to make love? Tomorrow