Interviewer: If I called your former boss right now and asked him- Me: *smacks the phone out of his hand* don’t do that

Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face before

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? have you seen my tractor?

Why did the billionaire philanthropist spend his fortune bringing butter production to developing countries? Some men just want to see the world churn.

We should not be calling girls “thirsty”…. Let’s start calling them “D” hydrated

Did your date order honey for dinner? Did your date eat the waiter when he brought the honey? Is your date a bear? You are dating a bear.

If people say that love finds you… Then I must be Waldo.

My dream car is just Shaq dressed like a fireman carrying me everywhere like he just rescued me from a burning building

Explaining KARMA! It’s when you throw a banana in Mario kart, and then, you lose the race because you got caught up in your own banana!

I like my women like I like my coffee I don’t like coffee