Did you hear the news about quadriplegia research? No? Probably because they haven’t been making great strides.

A poor old man got hit by a car today. I say poor because he only had 90 cents in his wallet.

What’s black and red, flashes like hell and annoys men? Live Jasmine

I am sorry I wasn’t being completely honest when I said I was normal.

My wife hates when I make jokes about her weight… …She needs to lighten up.

What do grammar nazis order at Burger King? Two Whoppers Junior

Why are pilots so honest? Keep those maintenance issues quiet. I want lies, frankly. “We’re delayed because we’re winning a safety award.”

What is a pirate’s favorite letter? You might thinks it’s ‘Arrrr” but his first love be the ‘C’

The population of Ireland keeps expanding exponentially It just keeps Dublin and Dublin

Complementing a mustache should be a good thing I don’t know why she took it as an insult. Edit: *compliment. I knew something seemed weird