*jumping on a trampoline* What do you mean you want full custody?

What do you call a Mexican Aunt? A tor-tia.

How do bank robbers send messages? By flee mail!

I will not believe a thing posted on this entire website tomorrow (today for some of you in the world) Fucking April 1ST.

What do you call someone who was born in a camper? A son of a hitch!

alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, “why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?”

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab? One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

My boss told me “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have” Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume

What do you call a bunch of woman in a tree A country

Brunos are from Mars, Freddies are from Mercury.