My girl told me that she has daddy issues… So i left for a pack of smokes and never came back.

So A flat walks into a bar . . . And the bartender looks up and says, “G you’re looking sharp.”

What’s the fastest way to get a ripped body? Take highwhey.

I accidentally ate a piece of rope… I shit you knot

What’s Hodor’s favorite cereal? Raisin Bran

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: You can hide, but you can’t run.

Alan Rickman lost in the woods, leaving a trail of perfectly pronounced words

Why couldn’t the Buddhist monk send his mother a birthday card via email? He had no attachments.

What is Bruce Jenner’s nephew’s favorite movie? Aunt Man

I can’t wait for the season finale of… …America.