I thought my Haitian friend was finally going to show me zombies… but it was actually just ‘some bees’

What’s the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself? One’s a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

Jesus walks into an inn With a Cross and some nails. He says to the Innkeeper, “Can you put me up for the night?”

Why didn’t the blond call 911? She couldn’t find the 11 on the dial pad.

Mistakenly used yahoo for searching instead of google. It’s like someone used google two days ago & is trying to remember the results.

The patriots must be feeling pretty deflated right about now.

How do you know when your sister is on her period? when your dad’s dick tastes like blood

Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didn’t fancy the stake.

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

The secret to sustaining a happy marriage is to keep the mystery alive. So tonight I decided to clean something unexpectedly.