Said “large” today at Starbucks, and everyone starting chanting “Venti, Venti, Venti!” and a mass suicide occurred.

I came home to find my best friend fucking my girlfriend Bad dog, you know you’re not allowed on the furniture.

NSFW Your dick’s like Mt. Everest… it’s hard to get up

Did you hear the last Chris Brown’s song featuring Rihanna? It’s a hit

what is a 4 person rock group that doesn’t play music mount rushmore

Thanks, meeting venue that turns off the AC in the restrooms–I love emerging from taking a dump looking like I just ran a marathon!

I was gonna make a sodium joke But Na.

If you own a karate dojo and you don’t make your employees answer the phone “Hiiiiiiiiya” You’re doing it wrong

Did you hear about the Iranian terrorist who switched off the fans of his stolen helicopter because he couldn’t stand the draft?

Nick Kroll and Amy Poehler are moving to France to start a family… They want a house full of French Krollers.