yo mama’s teeth are so yellow that when she smiles traffic slows down.

what do you call it when you sext someone and they dont respond? Molexting

What do you call the Italian slums? The spaghettos.

A man walks into a bar.. “Ow, my head” he says.

I just invented a new word: Plagiarism.

Two bacteria walk into a bar… The bartender says, “We don’t serve bacteria here.” And the bacteria says, “But we work here. We’re staph.”

sorry I called your baby an “it”

Always be sure to pay the Priest who performs the exorcism on your property. Or they’ll come back and re-possess your house.

What is the main difference between real numbers and women? Real numbers having period are rational.

Did you hear Kony is raising up another army? It’s a baby only army. The infant-ry.