stared at the sun to long trying to get my transition lenses to change but forgot I dont wear glasses. major headach now

What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? Fucks Funny.

Boxing is like a dance, a dance where you punch your dance partner until he doesn’t want to dance anymore.

If I was a plastic surgeon I’d probably spend my free time putting tiny breast implants in my toes.

Would headphones get tangled in space? no, they would knot

Cop: do u have anything illegal in the vehicle Me: *thinks about all the drugs in the car* no Cop: why did you just say asterisk thinks abo

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? When there’s a sail on it.

What do you call it when a lemon jerks off her own brother until he chafes? Inzest

Where is Dracula’s American office? The Vampire State Building.

Just got out of heart surgery with a surgeon who had tremors. I’m quite shaken up about it. Sorry if this is a repost.