So a bunch of women were playing basketball

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

I like my women like I like my coffee. Imported fair trade from Africa.

My kids don’t like when I drink, but if it wasn’t for alcohol, they wouldn’t even be here.

Jimmy cracked cocaine, and suddenly everyone cared.

“Traaains” – traveling zombies

What’s the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building? 20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!* 1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*

I sing like an amputee I can’t hold a note, can’t carry a tune…

What kind of code does a volcano use to make its website? HTMelt

The package of this pie is labeled “Apple,” yet these are clearly cherries. I’m not sticking my dick in this.