I tossed a quarter at my girlfriend… “Ouch, that hit me in the head!” I look back and reply, “good, maybe that’ll knock some cents into you” I’ll see myself out.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes… That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away AND have his shoes!

Hot Gums. Dude looks at a woman and thinks she has a beautiful smile. Dentists look at her and thinks she has beautiful gums.Never watch dentist porn.

Why are pirates angry after leaving the bathroom? Because after “p” comes “irate”

I’m not as tweet as you drunk I am think.

What does NAACP stand for? National Association of Apes Called People.

If I was ever on Jeopardy I would call Trebek the wrong name like I’d never heard of him. “I’ll take Beauty Pageants for 400, Jason.”

What’s the scariest thing in geometry? A vicious circle.

What did the mathematician and the dentist talk about? Calculus

Oral Misgivings Q: How can you tell if your date really digs oral sex? A: She hikes up her skirt every time you yawn.