What did the Irishman say about Batman and Superman’s fathers? They were both Martha Fockers

Why did the hippie lifeguard not save the drowning boy? He was too far out man!!

Do you think Reese Witherspoon calls her kids Reese’s Pieces cause I hope so.

Cheer up Hillary Clinton. Nelson Mandela wasn’t elected president , until after serving 27 years in prison .

Dont take your phones with you when you go to a dentist they have li-ion batteries

You hear about all of these refugees? Sounds like a Syria’s problem.

Why aren’t there any Muslims in Star Trek? Because it’s the future

What is it called when a blind deaf man commits murder? Senseless Slaughter…

Teacher: Didn’t you hear me call you? Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!

When in Canada, what is Bruce Lee’s favorite vegetable? Carrot-eh