[At dentist] Dentist: Any plans for the weekend? Nnooiddtrrreeeskllyggfff Dentist: I’m not doing anything either.

U U U U U U An American’s tile rack after a Scrabble game.

What kind of medicine do bears take? Bayer Asprin

The restaurant said they couldn’t seat me right away due to lack of waiters I said, “That’s alright, I’ll wait”.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Last week I was with a midget prostitute. I payed her $20 to go up on me.

Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head? A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)!

What did the English man say when he walked in on his wife making love to three men? ‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello!

Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a hat made of paper towels? He had a bounty on his head.

Home alone watching porn What goes black, red,black,red,black,red,black,red, white? A negro wanking