If you are living your life without giving an “f”, You are living a li[ ]e.

LIAM NEESON: [writing grocery list] bread milk cheese eggs vengeance [he stops writing, frowns] vengeance grapes

What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool!

How mani Iowa citizens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 4 no 5 no 6 no its really 4 – not sure, better flip a coin to get the right number

Another International Ninja Day went completely unnoticed.

I never understood the appeal of /r/titler… But you know, different strokes for fascist folks

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Bernadette ! Bernadette who ? Bernadette ate all my dinner and now I’m starving !

What did the Olympic size swimming pool say to the kiddie pool? I can’t be your friend anymore you’re just too shallow!

What did the reddit user say to the CEO of reddit Ellen Pao [This Post was Removed]

What is Metal Gear’s Snake’s secret? There’s a Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake. It seems they all passed gas.