Women are only terrible at parking because we’re constantly being lied to about what 9 inches is

“Sir, I need you to explain your resume.” Well, my pet tiger & I were beloved cartoon characters “Current job?” I pee on things I don’t like

Why did the vampire have to get glasses? Because he was blind as a bat! (My 4 year old sister came up with this one yesterday)

What do you call a Mexican who can see into the future? Cristobal

Size matters… My penis looks huge when it’s next to a map.

Why can’t Michael Jackson play chess? Because he is dead.

Did you hear about the guy who thought he performed brain surgery on himself? Turned out, it was all in his head.

Did you hear about the Irish monster who went to night school to learn to read in the dark?

It’s better to have loved a short man than to never have loved a tall.

Why do witches have stiff joints ? They get broomatism !